Did You Know - What to Look For

• Believes in traditional roles - is a traditionalist about the home, strongly believes in family unity and the prescribed feminine sex-role stereotype

• Believes one must be in a relationship

• Gives up friends and enjoyable activities for the relationship

• Is unable to share worries and feelings about the relationship with partner

• Is unable to express dissimilar opinions from partner

• Makes excuses or accepts responsibility for partner’s inappropriate behaviors

• Believes one can help or reform their partner

• Believes that jealousy is a sign of love

• Believes negative messages about oneself

• Is unable to set and communicate sexual limits

• Accepts sexual pressures

• Blames self for relationship problems

• Walks on “eggshells’ to prevent partners anger

• Suffers from guilt, yet denies the terror and anger she feels

• Presents a passive face to the world but has the strength to manipulate her environment enough to prevent further violence and being killed

• Has severe stress reactions with psycho-physiological complaints

• Uses alcohol or drugs as coping mechanism 

• Isolates partner

• May have other problems with the law

• Explosive temper; flies into rage without provocation

• Tells partner it is their fault, projects own faults onto partner

• Verbal assault in addition to physical assault (insults, put downs, slanderous names)

• Comes from family where violence was practiced

• May be more violent when partner is pregnant or soon after giving birth

• Denies the beatings or their severity

• Low self-esteem

• Is a traditionalist – believing in male supremacy and the stereotyped masculine sex role in the family

• Blames others for actions

• Is pathologically jealous - often imagine partner is having affairs

• Presents a dual personality - Jekyll and Hyde

• Frequently uses sex as an act of aggression to enhance self-esteem in view of waning virility.

• Does not believe his violent behavior should have negative consequences.

• Tries to control partner – after a violent incident – will apologize, promise anything (including it won’t happen again) – whatever it takes to get partner to stay. Then pattern begins again.