Did You Know - Violence in Relationships

No One Has the Right to Abuse Someone Else, and No One Deserves to be Abused.

Family Violence – is the abuse of power within relationships of family, trust or dependency that endangers the survival, security or well-being of another person. Family violence can include domestic violence, older adult abuse and neglect, child abuse and neglect, child sexual abuse, parent abuse, and exposure to abuse of others in the family (exposure to domestic violence).

Domestic Violence –is the attempt, act or intent within an intimate partner relationship (married, common-law, dating, same-sex and ex-partners where partners have either been cohabitating or have been together for a long time without cohabitation) to intimidate or harm their partner either by threat or by the use of physical force on their partner, another person or property. Domestic Violence occurs across all age, cultural, socio-economic, educational and religious groups. Domestic violence can be broken down into five categories of violence within intimate relationships:

1. Battering (also often referred to as woman abuse) – An ongoing patterned use of intimidation, coercion, and violence to establish and maintain dominance over an intimate partner. The purpose of the behavior is to control and/or exploit through neglect, intimidation, inducement of fear or by inflicting physical and/or psychological harm. Battering is the most common form of domestic violence. Battering is never caused by the victim’s behavior nor is it caused by anger, stress or alcohol. While it is not unusual for a woman to use violence in her intimate relationship, it is exceptional (and therefore rare) for her to achieve the kind of dominance over her male partner that characterizes battering. Violence used by men against women who are their intimate partners has its historic roots in centuries of institutionally sanctioned dominance of one gender over the other in key spheres of heterosexual relationships such as economic, sexual, intellectual, cultural, spiritual and emotional.
2. Resistive/Reactive Violence – violence used by victims to resist domination, end battering, retaliate against abuse, and establish some parity in relationships. The major goals of such violence are to: escape and/or stop violence that is being perpetrated against them, and establish a semblance of parity in the relationship as a method of protecting themselves and their children against escalating abuse. It may be considered by the victim as a form of self-protection. The target of the resistive violence is specific: the abuser. Violence is rarely the first or only tactic used by victims of ongoing battering. Generally, women’s reaction to battering falls into three classes: coping, managing and resisting. 
3. Situational Violence – Violence used to achieve goals without any pattern of control, intimidation, and domination. Intimate partners can use violence against each other to express anger, disapproval or reach an objective. Situational violence tends to be a one time occurrence in the relationship which is what distinguishes it from battering – there is no pattern of behavior aimed at power and control.
4. Pathological violence – Violence arising from mental illness, neurological damage, physical disorder, substance abuse, etc. Individuals who abuse alcohol or drugs, suffer from mental illness or physical disorders, or have neurological damage, may use physical violence against others, including their intimate partners. Sometimes there is a causal link between their use of violence and the pathology from which they suffer – in these cases, when the pathology ends, so does the violence. Many, perhaps even most, batterers drink and get violent while drinking, but stopping the drinking does not stop the abuse. A pathologically violent person may target a specific person (such as an intimate partner) in one situation because they are the person nearest them during the throes of their addiction – but such violence is not typically focused on any particular person or gender. They are violent outside of the intimate relationship.
5. Anti-social violence – violence arising out of personality disorder. It is usually generalized across situations (not exclusive to the intimate partner violence). A person may have certain antecedents such as childhood abuse and lack of moral maturity that have led to the development of anti-social personality. Such an individual may have little understanding of the consequences of his/her behavior and no feeling of shame or remorse regarding his/her violence.

Note: The above categories may not satisfactorily explain all types of violence in every circumstance nor are they always mutually exclusive. An individual may be a batterer in addition to being anti-social, alcoholic, and/or mentally ill. His/her behavior is distinguished by the fact that he/she acts from a sense of entitlement and the consequent notion of establishing power and control over his/her victim.

Types of Abuse Tactics Used in Domestic Violence - Abuse can take many forms. The most visible form may be physical abuse, but less visible forms can be just as destructive. The spectrum of abuse ranges from insults through to life threatening injuries and even murder. The goal of the abuser is to use physical, economic, or other power to be in control and to put the victim in a position of powerlessness. While all forms of abuse are hurtful, some are criminal offenses and some are not. Abuse can take one or more of these forms:

• Psychological/Emotional Abuse – Demeaning comments, insults, taunts about being useless, lazy, fat, ugly, or stupid, threats of suicide, threats of taking the children, surveillance, baseless jealousy, cutting off from family or friends, abusing pets, destroying sentimental or valued possessions.

• Physical Abuse – Slapping, punching, kicking, shoving, choking, burning, biting, pushing down stairs, stabbing or slashing with a knife, hitting with an object, shooting.

• Sexual Abuse – Forced sex, distasteful or painful sexual activity, exposure to AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases.

• Economic Abuse – Withholding money, taking money, spending frivolously while the children do without necessities, making all major purchases, denying access to bank accounts, preventing partner from taking or keeping a job.

• Spiritual Abuse – Ridicule or punishment for holding a religious or cultural belief, forbidding practice of a person’s religion of forcing adherence to different practices.

• Criminal Harassment/Stalking - repeated conduct by a person, without lawful excuse or authority, that the person knows or reasonably ought to know constitutes harassment of a family member and causes a family member to fear for a family member’s personal safety.

See attached Power and Control Wheel (material taken from Ellen Pence – Re-Examining “Battering”; Are All Acts of Violence Against Intimate Partners the Same?”